trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
