Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
