bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
