im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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