Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Every concussion has its silver lining
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm really busy with my period
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