Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i've created a new STD.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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