dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
