why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
