Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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