i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
