so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize