Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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