Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
