I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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