He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
