"it" just moved
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize