i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize