I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
whose ass print is on the piano?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
