I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
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