it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
