she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
