just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
