Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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