Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize