apparently the secret to your success is patron
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
