Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
