I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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