HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
