I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
