I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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