Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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