Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no, he came in my armpit
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
