you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
