So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's just like the Real World with babies
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
