and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love having hate sex.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
