Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
