You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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