Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
