Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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