I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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