I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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