dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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