i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
