how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
