Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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