Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
