Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
