gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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