Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
