I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
