I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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