My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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