p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize