Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
