Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
