Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
