Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
