i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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