I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did you pee in the oven last night??
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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