I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
