Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
