i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
