the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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