I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
