She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
