So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
