the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
