hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
