well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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