Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
