I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
