you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
