All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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