my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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