that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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