its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
