i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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