I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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