Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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