I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
