So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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