So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
