I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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