6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Randomize
