it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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