all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize