Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
