just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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