I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
