Don't you send me to vm
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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