my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
