actually, I'm a sock model
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
