you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
