I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
