I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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