i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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