piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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