I wannas sexs uuuuu
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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