i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
