Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
