Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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