I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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