hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
