i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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