he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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