were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
