I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
