Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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