So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
