No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
