He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
