porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
