she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize